Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
