had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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