The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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