i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
