we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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