Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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