Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
