I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
