Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
