Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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