We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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