i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
