I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
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At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
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Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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