Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
