put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
