This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
