I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
