so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
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Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
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you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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