John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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