You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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