My balls are so social today.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
