i permit you to call me
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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