Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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