did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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