mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
