and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
