You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
