so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
