you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We're too hungover to prance.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
We smell like vodka and hangover
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
