u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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