i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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