I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I believe in your delicious
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
