Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
