There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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