so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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