Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
