We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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