I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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