i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
