After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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