Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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