We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's rum buckets o'clock
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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