Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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