this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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