I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
