the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
