just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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