Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
