I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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