I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
