the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
