Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
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