so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
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Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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