I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
