Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
