P.S. I can't hear my feet
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
