So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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