I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
