he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
