I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
