I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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