He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
