Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
