I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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