Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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